The Birth of AySi
Friday morning I woke and had some coffee, then mowed the front lawn. I took CaEl to her dance classes and realized I'd missed TiMa, who was off Youth Conference in Manti. Sometime while I was blowing the back patio off I noticed D. had gone to pick up CaEl and I sat down on the deck with Jono and poured myself a Pacifico Clara. The phone rang. It was BeSi -- where have I been? In the yard working I explained and BeSi said "we're coming over". Ok I thought--no, wait -- "you're coming Over? "Yes" said BeSi and I sort of flipped out. I always do. After I hung up I had three agenda items: Call Sherry, the midwife, GET D., who has no cell phone and was out and returning who knows when... and CALM DOWN. BeSi had told me that Sherry was unavailable by phone, which was all I heard, and I freaked out. They also told me, which I somehow ignored, that Sherry was at a massage, and that she had turned her phone off, but that they had left a message with her kids, who were waiting on her. As soon as she came out of the massage, of course, she in fact called her children to see if there were messages, and arrived here within a half hour for what can only be described as the most natural and beautiful experience I've ever had.

AmRe and BeSi arrived in due time. AmRe smiling "calm down dad", reassuring me that everything was cool. I was vaguely aware that I needed to focus on her, but I was much to intensely freaking about the fact that MY daughter was here, having a baby, and NO ONE WAS HERE TO DO IT!. This thinking, I think, was centered not in my rational brain, but in my reptilian-oh-no-it's-going-to-eat-me part of my brain. I had little time to go through this panic, because soon D. arrived and Sherry was already bringing stuff in.

I had a tremendous outpouring of emotion, tears, when I saw D., and I wept in what I can only think was joy, relief, and terror. Jono reminded me that this was about AmRe, and that I needed to pull myself together, and I thought irritatedly, "of course, give me a few minutes here to wring this out of me", and then I sulked for about an hour playing the father-in-his-den routine, reading the same page in my cheap sci-fi.

The procedure that AmRe had asked for was a home birth, all natural, with mid-wives. There was a lot of emotion about this in the family. Generally, my D. is the center of this sort of thinking. Her and AmRe are both holistic-health minded and skeptical of the "birth-is-a-sickness-we-treat-with-drugs" mindset in some of the medico community.

Sherry, the wonderful midwife, is a bit of a mormon-witch, which I say in the most praising voice possible. I think that this sort of new-age female empowerment is a healthy anti-dote to the prevailing cultural attitude (especially I think, here in Utah, where diversity obviously suffers) that puts men in the smartest, bestest, warrior-know-all mindset. Anyway, I applaud it as a softening agent for a culture that could use a bit of it. She had asked for there to be a small group during the early part of the birthing process, and I was to be called at a significant moment. I think I had imagined that that would be in the pushing stage, but Sherry came up and said only after a couple of hours that AmRe had dilated to an 8, and that she was progressing very rapidly, and that she would enter the pushing stage soon, which might last long -- sometimes hours. There was an implicit welcome in her tone, that I was welcome to come for some, or all of that stage.

I came down finally and AmRe was in the tub. I kneeled beside her her and snapped this photo, which I've previously published here.


AmRe in the tub, the intense labor has begun

Once I snapped the picture, she looked at me, with slow-heavy eyes, and smiled, and everyone in the room made me feel welcome, my girl was smiling for the first time in an hour or so. I stayed by her side for the rest of the delivery. The arrangement was a large oval "Rubbermaid" horse trough, which was filled with warm water from the bathroom, this all laid out on plastic sheeting on my family room floor. The room was dark and candle-lit, I had to bump my ASA all the way to 800. I took a few photos every hour of so, but most of them were blurry or too dark.

AmRe spent a good 4 hours working on that last centimeter of dilatation. Toward the end, I thought it was going to be unbearable for her, but she got to the pushing stage where a sort of relief was to be had. She could then "push with the contraction". The job given us by the midwives, was to push on her back on pressure points we had been shown, and generally touch her and hold her, put cool compresses on her head, and most importantly, to moan with her, low throaty moans, allowing her to say "oooooooowwwwwww" and the room acknowledged the pain with her. It was amazing.

We were D. and I, MeGi and CaSi (CaSi is BeSi's sister), Sherry the midwife, Melody the assisting midwife (with more experience) and another midwife who was in training. BeSi of course was there, tenderly holding his wife through the whole thing and CaEl was in and out of the room, at first banished to the upstairs, but during the pushing part, was there sitting beside me, not sure of whether this was all just too gross or not. Once Sherry broke AmRe's water, BeSi's parents mom came over. She took the job of keeping the birth log, which I'm anxious to see. Here is a picture of AmRe with Melody, the other midwife. She was so warm, loving, happy, and calm. I loved her presence.


AmRe being comforted by Melody

The sisters (AmRe's sister MeGi and BeSi's sister CaSi) were funny, a comic relief to the dramatic moments. The midwifes commented that people forget that in between the contractions, there is a quite of a bit of jovial-ness, relief sweeping over the working mother, and tension being dissipated by loving humans in the room. Here is a picture of the sisters.


My daughter MeGi with BeSi's sister CaSi hamming it up between the tension. This was before they decided to get their hands wet.

Most of the experience consisted of people doing their routine work. Moaning with the contractions, rubbing AmRe's hands, shoulders, placing cooling compresses on her forehead. Here is D. and AmRe's husband BeSi, administering to AmRe during the cervical stretching contractions.


My lover D., BeSi, AmRe and a training midwife in my family room



AmRe and BeSi in the warm candlelight of birthing

Once the cervix was sufficiently dilated, AmRe was allowed to begin to push. Here AmRe's noticeable pain seemed bearable again, as she was able to PUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH. We all pushed with her, exhorted her to expel the baby. We all coaxed and comforted and loved her with all of our might. AmRe was so strong and so vibrant. We saw the head crowning, then beginning to emerge, as she pushed the baby down the birth canal, two inches down, one inch back, back forth, edging down until suddenly she was at the "ring of fire". She unfortunately tore a little, requiring a couple of stitches, but not badly.

Then, the baby was in Sherry’s hands, in the water. As she drew the baby up out of the water, the umbilicus "popped" and there was a frantic moment as the clamps, which in the final moment before this had been moved in anticipation of AmRe coming out of the tub to sit in the "birthing chair", were located to clip the cord.

I will never, ever forget how terrified I was in that moment. Something had gone wrong, the cord, too short we'd learn later, had come loose from the placenta, and there was a loss of babies blood. How much? It didn't seem like much, but a baby doesn't have much. Sherry had never had this happen, but Melody had, and she assured us things were fine as she took the baby, who was a tad slow beginning to breath, off to the side to give her oxygen and coax her into breathing. We heard only tentative cries when she began to breath.

Her arms and hands were a little cyanic, but she was pinking up nicely and we were told not to be afraid. BeSi's father came around then, just as AmRe, who had been taken out of the tub and laid down to deliver the placenta, was given the baby back from the effort to get her breathing.


AmRe takes her baby. "Is she ok?"

Soon we were all satisfied that both AmRe and the baby were fine. The next morning a second well-baby checkup confirmed little AySi was A+.


BeSi kisses his wife and holds AySi's little hand

Here finally, is my little gran-girl and her mom. May they be happy, loving, and strong all their long lives.


Some of the beautiful women in my life


My gran-girl sleeps